


In another world, we'll risk it all

by vobo_uji



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Cussing, Established Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Heavy Angst, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Minor Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Minor Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Post-Idol, Suicide Attempt, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 17:44:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13323240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vobo_uji/pseuds/vobo_uji
Summary: It all started and ended with an email.





	1. I'm up above the clouds till I come crashing back to earth

**Author's Note:**

> ╳ ╳ ╳ C A U T I O N ╳ ╳ ╳
> 
> ✖✖✖ Please READ THE TAGS before proceeding!!! ✖✖✖
> 
> ✖✖✖ Please DO NOT READ if you have triggers as stated in the tags!!! ✖✖✖
> 
> Title is from "Another World" & "Risk It All" by The Vamps (:
> 
> You can listen to this [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2lcv9lcbebHJdgvcVZjqDK) while reading!
> 
> ✖✖✖ Again, please DO NOT READ if you have triggers as stated in the tags!!! ✖✖✖
> 
> ✘✘✘ English is not my native language. Deep apologies for inaccuracies, extreme use of tenses, grammatical & spelling errors. ✘✘✘

 

> _(1) email notification_
> 
> **read** | ignore
> 
> _To: wonjeonwoo@svtmail.com, jeonghanyoon@svtmail.com, chanleechan@svtmail.com, +9others_
> 
> _From: leejihoon@svtmail.com_
> 
> _Subject: SEVENTEEN GRAND REUNION_

_Greetings!_

_I’m inviting (read as **demanding** ) every single one of you to take a break and come to our Grand Reunion on the 26th of May._

_(YES exactly our **anniversary** so, you better COME)_

_To be held at Diamond Café located at the 13th street of district 17. You are **demanded** to arrive at exactly 8 in the evening._

**_No_ ** _buts and other **nonsensical** reaction. No need to bring anything at all. Just attend with **no** excuses and at the **exact** time._

 _P.S I demand all of you to attend so we can be complete for old time’s sake._

_To be hosted by yours truly,_

_VOBO_

\- - - \\\ - - -

Wonwoo had just arrived at the studio when he received the email. He let out a proud yet sad smile. “It’s about time.” he sighs dejectedly. 

“What’s about time?” another male who also just arrived questions.

“You haven’t received or read the email?” he asks back. 

“What email? I haven’t checked anything yet.” the other answers as they walk to their shared office. 

“Well… our beloved VOBO had sent an email regarding Seventeen’s Grand Reunion to be hosted by himself.” Wonwoo nonchalantly answers trying to get a reaction from the other. 

And he got it as the other male visibly froze at the sudden mention of _the_ nickname. 

“You okay, Soonyoung?” the taller concernedly asks. 

“Hu-huh? Ye-yeah. So what did you say again? There’s a grand reunion?” the older asks as he sat on the couch. 

“Well yeah… hosted by Jihoon.” again, Soonyoung froze visibly. “Is everything alright?” and again, Wonwoo asks. 

“Ye-yeah sure why not.” Soonyoung fakes a cough. “Oh, that’s nice then! We haven’t seen everyone else for so long.”

The former scoffs, “But we see Mingyu every day though.” 

“And that’s because he’s _your_ boyfriend, my dear Wonwoo.” Soonyoung retaliated then he saw the door opens so he let out a smirk, “Speaking of the overgrown puppy.” 

“Oh hey! Good morning everyone!” the said overgrown puppy cheerfully greets. Wonwoo just grins at him while the oldest of the three salutes.

“Have you guys seen the email? Ahhhh! I’m so excited!!!” he continued as he settles himself on the couch in front of the oldest. 

“Can we talk about that later? I’m hungry.” Soonyoung suddenly diverted the topic. Wonwoo and Mingyu exchanged glances. 

“What’s for breakfast Gyu?” the former asks as he eyes the bags on the latter’s lap. Wonwoo gave a small nod to Mingyu, signaling him to just ignore it for now. 

Mingyu sighs in which Soonyoung decides to ignore, making grabby hands at the bags. “Come on Gyu! I’m hungryyyyyyy!” 

“Alright fine. McDonald’s for breakfast since I woke up late and didn’t have time to cook.” the youngest utters as he places the bags at the table between them. Wonwoo joins them on the couch as he too rummages through the bags. 

After finishing their breakfast, Wonwoo gave a curt signal to Mingyu. The latter already knowing what it meant blurts out, “I volunteer to throw this away and to prepare the practice room for the students!” 

To avoid Soonyoung from noticing, he got up and went out as normal as he can. Once he was out, the dancer instantly stood up and turns around from Wonwoo. 

“We are not having this conversation right now, _Jeon._ ” Soonyoung sternly said. 

“Oh, we are _Kwon._ ” the younger remarks with the same tone.

Soonyoung sighs, he knew that tone and whenever the other uses it, there’s no way out. “It’s nothing Jeon. I’m fine, everything’s okay.” 

“No Soonyoung. There surely is _something_ , you are _not_ fine and everything’s _not_ okay. _Come on Kwon._ I thought we already _established_ the fact that you would _finally_ open up after all those years.” Wonwoo responds concernedly. 

“I told you Won. I’m good. There’s nothing to talk about. _Really._ ” Soonyoung took a step, wanting to end the conversation but Wonwoo isn’t finished yet. 

“Stop right there, Kwon Soonyoung. It’s _about time_ we talk about this. You’ve been keeping those emotions inside for so long. Just let it all out… _Youngie_.” 

Soonyoung instantly turns back around at the nickname, eyes glaring at Wonwoo. “You. Do. Not. Mention. That. Nickname. Again.” 

As each word left his mouth, tears are also building up in his eyes. Wonwoo stood up to hug him. “Come on Soonyoung. _Let it all out._ ” 

And as if on cue, the tears that Soonyoung had been keeping for so long finally rushed out of his eyes. After all those years of bottling everything, he’s setting them free, somehow, making him free as well _though he knew that crying won’t really set him free._  

Wonwoo held him tighter, whispering, “Just let it all out” as he brushes the older’s hair. After a few minutes, Soonyoung slowly backs away as he sat on the couch again; the younger sat beside him as he continued to soothe his back. 

There were a few seconds of silence until the older weakly utters, “I… I ju-just… miss hi-him… you know… he le-left _without_ a word th-then h-he di-didn’t _even_ reached anyone of us for th-three years… an-and it’s just that… _it hurts…_ missing him… it hurts so much Wonwoo…” he cries once again, the younger pulling him for another hug. 

“ _I know,_ believe me, I know Soonyoung. I miss him too. _Badly._ But maybe… _actually no_ , scratch that. I am _sure_ that he has his own reason as to why he hasn’t contacted us until now.” 

“Bu-but…” 

“Let’s just trust him, alright? _He’s Jihoon._ Of course, he has a reason.” 

“O-okay.” 

It was silent for another moment. 

Wonwoo sighs, “I know that’s not all _Soonyoung._ ” 

“We-well... I… I st-still...” Soonyoung sighs tiredly, “Love him… I am _still_ in love with him. My heart _still_ yearns for him Wonie… _what am I suppose to do?_ ” his voice breaks at each sentence so as the younger’s.

He knows what Soonyoung have been through all those three years. He knew how hurt the older was and how he hadn’t fallen in love with anybody else. He also knew that Soonyoung couldn’t move on no matter how hard he tried. He was there beside him at the worst years of his life and he’s a living witness on how Soonyoung stood up amidst all the pain and darkness enveloping his whole being. 

“Soonie, do you remember what I told you before?” Wonwoo softly asks; he got a weak “no” in return. 

“I told you that he’ll come back and now _here he is_ Soonie. He’s _finally_ back. So if you ask me about what you should do then I suggest for you to _continue_ loving and trusting him. And as I always remind you, _everything_ happens for a reason. A reason we may not know now but someday _we will_. Just hang in there, okay?” Wonwoo pulls back as he gave the older an encouraging smile. 

Soonyoung was just staring at him for a second, looking for that _certain thing,_ once he found it, his lips slowly formed a small smile. “Okay.” 

/// 

**5 years ago…**

They were at a private club celebrating the group’s 10th anniversary. The rest of the members are downstairs partying with their invited guests while two certain raven-haired males are casually lounging upstairs contented by just watching their friends.

“Hoonie how drunk are you?” 

“On a scale of 1 to 10... just 5 I guess. Why?” Jihoon replies as he finishes his third bottle of the night. 

The other male looks everywhere but him, obviously nervous. “Well, uhm… can you do me a favor?” Jihoon hums as a sign for the other to continue. 

“Uhm… can you… like uhm… make another dream of mine… come true?” the former nervously utters. 

Jihoon, who was seating in front of the other, casually stood up and went to sit closer to the other but still leaving enough space for another person to sit between them. “Hmmm… may I know it first?” 

“Well uhm… have a conjoined studio with me?” the other male hesitantly answers. 

A smile slowly appeared on Jihoon’s face, “A conjoined studio huh?” 

The other instantly scratches his nape nervously, “We-well that is if you want to… if not the-then just---“ 

Jihoon chuckles, “Relax _Youngie_.” he sat closer to the other leaving no space between them. “I actually _love_ the idea.” he smiles genuinely as he made eye contact. 

Soonyoung’s eyes slowly widen, “Re-really? I mean, is that _really_ okay?” 

The younger chuckles once again, “Of course! Why wouldn’t it be?” 

Soonyoung narrows his eyes, “You’re not _that_ drunk, are you? And even then, you would remember this tomorrow right?” 

That made Jihoon laugh, eyes crinkling as he playfully slaps Soonyoung’s arm. “I’m not _that_ drunk! And even if I am, I’d _definitely_ remember this.” he amusedly retorted once he regained composure. 

“Alright. Just making sure. This is important for me, y’know.” the choreographer genuinely said. 

Jihoon can’t help but genuinely smile too, “ _I know_ Youngie. And just so _you know_ , it’s important for me as well.” 

It was silent for a minute; both are just staring at each other’s eyes with so much adoration.

“So… since you’ve taught about this, do you have a name in mind?” Jihoon asks as he broke the eye contact and proceeds on laying his head on the other’s shoulder. 

“ _Oh that…_ well, I didn’t let myself think _that_ far since you might not agree.” Soonyoung shyly answers. 

The producer mentally rolled his eyes as he whispers, “As if I can say no to you.” 

“Did you say something?” 

“Nothing. Now that I’ve agreed, do you have anything in mind?” Jihoon nonchalantly spoke. 

Soonyoung was silent for a minute then he suddenly exclaims, “AHA! What about HW Studio?” 

“HW Studio? Hmm… not bad at all. Okay, let’s use that.” Jihoon smiles. 

It made the choreographer excited. “Yey! After dealing with your hangover, we can start making plans! _Ohhh!_ I already know someone who can help us! As much as possible I want it to be up and about early next year!” 

Jihoon can’t help but let out a laugh that made Soonyoung stop rambling. “Wh-what?” 

“It’s just that… you’re being way too excited again. I told you to _just relax_ Youngie. I mean, yeah sure we can plan it as early as you want but _take it easy_ , will you?” the younger teases that made the other shy. 

“I just… want everything to be perfect and you know…” 

Jihoon faces the other, lifting his hand to caress Soonyoung’s face as he tilts it so he can look at his eyes as he mutters softly, “ _It will be_ Youngie. _You and I_ will work hard for it and as long as _we’re together_ , just like always, _everything will be okay_. Just relax for now and enjoy the night. Tomorrow, after the hangover and a cup of coffee, we’ll start planning _I promise_.” 

A soft smile gracefully etched the older’s face. “Okay. I’ll hold onto that.” he then hugs the younger. “ _Thank you_ for making another dream of mine come true again, Hoonie.” 

Jihoon hugs tighter, “Anything for you, Youngie. _Anything for you_.” 

 _End of flashback_  

/// 

Soonyoung can’t help but reminisce the past as he stares at the building in front of him; the company that was once upon a dream now a reality, all because of _him_. He clearly remembers how they started from a three-story building to now, a ten-story glass building, their logo shining boldly at the center. HW Studio started with just the two of them, producing/composing and choreographing for other artists but now they are included in the big three that brings out artists known all over the world. They also offer dance and music classes for those people who didn’t want to be in the industry but still wanted to try or hone their skills. 

He is now a world-renowned choreographer and the standing CEO. Despite all of the recognition he and the company have been receiving for the past years, he can’t help but feel miserable. He’s very much proud alright but then… he would’ve been _happier_ if the person who helped him make this dream come true, _is standing next to him through it all._ They started it together so his _only_ wish ( _the only wish he had for the last three years_ ) is to _be with him until the end as well._ Though there is something at the back of his mind, telling him that he must accept his fate of being the only one standing at the end. And it makes him more miserable than ever. 

An arm around his shoulder pulls him out of his reverie. “Thinking of _him_ again?” an older voice softly asks as he gave him a handkerchief. 

He was into his own world that he didn’t feel his tears flowing out of his eyes. Soonyoung sniffs as he took the handkerchief, “Thanks, hyung.” 

The older one pats his shoulder, “Breathe in breathe out Soonyoung. We can’t let you have another attack on the day of our anniversary.”

“Sorry, Cheol-hyung. It’s just that…” the younger sighs tiredly. 

“I understand Soonyoung. I know it’s hard. But _we_ all _waited_ for this and now that it’s happening, we should be glad. We will see him _again_ after three years. Isn’t that what _you_ wanted?” Seungcheol carefully asks as he didn’t want to prompt the younger’s attack. 

Soonyoung looks at him with a look Seungcheol wishes to disappear badly, “ _That’s all I’ve ever wanted hyung_. We all know that. I’ve searched for him _everywhere_ … I tried _everything_ hyung. But it always comes down to me going home empty-handed. Not even _a single_ trace on where he is _or_ how he is. Nothing hyung.” 

The younger exasperatedly sighs, “It just made everything, _even more,_ harder than it already was, y’know. It was already hard _letting_ him go, _ignoring_ my feelings for him and _pretending_ we don’t have _anything_ for each other. Nonetheless, I’m _already contented_ with that; I’m okay _as long as he’s by my side_. Then all of a sudden, he just vanished into thin air, leaving me with nothing but this company full of his memories.” 

Soonyoung was now crying on Seungcheol’s shoulder, “We all know _what happened_ after he left hyung. I was and still am a mess hyung. I-I just… _don’t know_ what to do anymore hyung. For the past months, I’m _trying_ my best to be normal _again_ , to function without him by my side. And now, he decided to appear out of nowhere? I mean I’m very much grateful hyung. Bu-but…” He couldn’t finish his sentence as he chokes on his tears. Seungcheol turns his body so he’s facing him properly while telling him to breathe properly. 

Once he was breathing fine again, he manages to croak out, “Bu-but I-I’m _scared_ hyung. Wh-what if he appears today but vanishes _again_ tomorrow? What if he _doesn’t_ have any plans to _actually stay?_ What if he leaves _again?_ If that happens, _I don’t know_ what I’ll do hyung. I’m a wreck right now, what more will I be if he leaves _again?_ Might as well finish what I was _supposed_ to do before you found me at our… _my_ apartment.” 

Seungcheol instantly held his shoulders tight; fear creeping up on him again, “Ya! _Don’t_ you ever try doing _that_ again! Or else I will have to hire a bodyguard for you!” he scolds him as memories of what happened that day flashed through his mind.

\- - - \\\ - - -

✖✖✖ **PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE TRIGGERS AS STATED IN THE TAGS** ✖✖✖ 

\- - - \\\ - - -

 **A year ago…**  

Seungcheol was busy signing papers when Jeonghan suddenly opens the door of his office without knocking. With just one look, he already knew that something is wrong. 

“What happened babe?” he asks as he stood up and ushers the other to sit on the couch. 

Jeonghan stares at him worriedly, “Wonwoo called and he said that Soonyoung didn’t go to work today. He tried calling him and sent more than a dozen of text but he’s not answering any of them. So of course, he started to panic because Soonyoung never ignored his calls and messages. Wonwoo then called to ask me if he was here or if we knew where he is. Of course, I said no, so he told me to tell you right away because he couldn’t leave the studio. He doesn’t want to tell the others yet because he didn’t want them to panic as well.” 

The younger rambled without taking a breath so when he finishes, Seungcheol reminded him to breathe properly, “First, breathe in and breathe out.” the other obliged so he continued, “Okay. You stay here and tell Wonwoo to calm down. I’ll go to his apartment and check on him, alright? I’ll call you both once I know what’s up so until then, you both should just calm down. For all we know, he might just be oversleeping again and has his phone in silent mode. Just calm down and wait for my call, okay?” 

Jeonghan nods so he made a move to stand up but the younger firmly held his hand, “Please make sure he’s fine. Please Cheollie. I… We can’t afford to lose another one. I’d go crazy if that happens.” he pleads with tears in his eyes. 

The older kisses his forehead as he whispers, “I will Hannie.” then he stood up to grab his phone from his desk then with another kiss, off he went to Soonyoung’s apartment. 

\- - - \\\ - - -

✖✖✖ **PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE TRIGGERS AS STATED IN THE TAGS** ✖✖✖ 

\- - - \\\ - - -

Once he reaches the apartment, he didn’t even dare to knock as he pulls out a spare key from his pocket. When he got inside, different bottles of alcohol sprawled in the living area welcomes him then he looks at the kitchen and saw empty cups of instant noodles on the table. A sad smile graces his lips at the realization that he shouldn’t have let the other live by himself. 

“Soonyoung? Where are you?” he calls out as he struts to the bedroom. What greets him was darkness as the curtains are still closed so he opens the lights and an empty bed was what he found. He took a step towards it and he almost slips, as he didn’t notice the wet floor. 

He follows the trail of water and it led him to the bathroom. His heart instantly beat rapidly and he prays to every deity up there for his guess to be wrong. He rushes to the bathroom and tries opening the door but it was locked. 

Seungcheol pounds at the door, “Soonyoung! Soonyoung open the door! Soonyoung!!!” 

He pounds the door with his body then he tries kicking it then pounding it again and again until it finally broke. Water instantly rushes out making a puddle on the door but it was the least of his concern as his eyes immediately look at the bathtub and there he found the younger, pale and lifeless. He rushes to him, picks him up and calls 911 then he did what the officer told him to do as he waits for them.

“Soonyoung! Come on buddy! Wake up! _Please!_ Soonyoung!” he pumps the younger’s chest as he begs with tears uncontrollably flowing from his eyes. “ _Come on Soonyoung!_ _Please!_ Wake up!” 

_End of flashback_

///

He shook his head, as he didn’t want to remember that day anymore then held Soonyoung in his arms tightly. As the younger cries, even more, Seungcheol’s heart is breaking every second; he can’t help but feel the younger’s pain _once again_. He saw how Soonyoung reacted that first year without the other, that second year he tried everything to end his life ( _to the point that they took turns on living with him to make sure he wouldn’t attempt anymore_ ) and how he wishes to forget how the younger’s eyes looked back then. 

If Seungcheol were to be asked who has the most beautiful eyes within them aside from his lover, he would answer Soonyoung without a second thought. He had always admired how the younger’s eyes look like a starry night sky; it always sparkles and shines with pure happiness, so much passion and holds a lot of dreams. Anyone who looks directly can easily be enamored and that happiness can easily be spread to them; it was one of the things he held onto during the hard times. That’s why when the same eyes lost its sparkle when it turned into a deep black hole; it somehow affected him as well. 

He did everything for the younger to live normal again; he was the one who searched for the best therapist in town, he was the one who talked to Soonyoung to attend the sessions, he even assigned himself to be the other’s personal driver so he can be sure that he attends it and he was the one who made sure that the younger wasn’t behind on his medication. He and Jeonghan always made sure that everything he needed is always available; they made sure that he goes out of his apartment at least three times a week, going on different road trips with him. They didn’t mind not having that much alone time anymore as they both wanted to take care of him and they both knew that he needed their support the most. 

So when Soonyoung went back to normal earlier this year, he and Jeonghan felt that everything was worth it. Both of them were the happiest when the younger finally went to work again, bonded with the others again, but most of all, _when he danced again._ Ever since Jihoon left, Soonyoung stopped dancing as he reasoned out that _there’s no more reason for him to dance because there’s no more music to dance to._ Although they didn’t expect that the _first song he would dance to again_ was the _first song Jihoon composed_. Still, they are happy and proud that Soonyoung chose to live his life again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for taking your time to read this ღ
> 
> Kudos and comments (+ criticisms) are very much appreciated ｡ ◕‿◕｡
> 
> ✘✘✘ Edited and re-edited all by myself. Please kindly excuse all errors and inaccuracies. ✘✘✘


	2. The stars would light the way for just the two of us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ╳ ╳ ╳ C A U T I O N ╳ ╳ ╳
> 
> ✖✖✖ Please READ THE TAGS before proceeding!!! ✖✖✖
> 
> ✖✖✖ Please DO NOT READ if you have triggers as stated in the tags!!! ✖✖✖
> 
> You can listen to this [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2lcv9lcbebHJdgvcVZjqDK) while reading!
> 
> ✖✖✖ Again, please DO NOT READ if you have triggers as stated in the tags!!! ✖✖✖
> 
> ✘✘✘ English is not my native language. Deep apologies for inaccuracies, extreme use of tenses, grammatical & spelling errors. ✘✘✘

**At Diamond Café…**  

Wonwoo and Mingyu were the first ones to arrive; the younger rushes to the second floor of the café, making his boyfriend let out a hearty chuckle as he follows. Once they reach it, Mingyu instantly back-hugs the only person there. Said person let out a shriek, as he didn’t notice their presence. 

“Oh, my gosh hyung!!! You’re alive!!! You’re here!!! I’m not dreaming, right? Aaaah!!! I missed you so bad!!!” Mingyu exclaims as he made the other turn around to face him. Wonwoo was just a step behind him, silently watching with a fond smile directed to the former. 

“Wow Jihoon hyung! You haven’t changed at all! Though you look thinner than usual.” the younger frowns, “No worries! I’ll cook for you again!” he beams. 

Jihoon softly chuckles, “You haven’t changed at all Gyu. Still an overgrown excited puppy, huh?” he smirks, “Relax, will you? I miss you too though I miss the meals you cooked for me more.” 

Before Mingyu can respond, a cough stops him, “Uh, can I now get my time to greet him?” Wonwoo playfully demands as he winks at Jihoon. 

“Oh! Of course! Sorry, babe!” the youngest sheepishly utters as he gave way for the two. Jihoon took the initiative to get closer to the other; Wonwoo was the one who starts the eye contact and once they did, the younger starts crying. Wonwoo hugs him tightly as tears are also threatening to fall from his eyes; memories of the day they last saw each other flashes through his mind.

/// 

 **A year ago…**  

It was a cold night at home when he receives a call from an unknown number. He hesitates on picking it up but something was telling him that it’s important so he did. 

“Hello?” 

“Wonwoo” a familiar voice replies. He suddenly felt the rush of emotions envelop him. 

“Ji--hoon?” he utters doubtfully, he didn’t want to be disappointed after all. 

“Ye-yeah… uhm, can we meet right now?” 

“Okay, where?” 

“I’ll text you the address. See you.” 

“See you.” 

Once the call ended, he changes his clothes, grabs his essentials then went to his car. 

/// 

When he got inside the restaurant, he walks towards the farthest table. Once he was close enough, he spots a familiar grey beanie. He took a deep breath before taking a seat in front of the other. 

Jihoon looks at him and the first thing he notices was how thin and tired the younger looks. 

“Are you okay? Is there something wrong?” Wonwoo worriedly asks making the other immediately look away. 

“I’m here to tell you something. You’re the _only one_ who I can trust about this.” 

“What is it?” 

Jihoon looks at him again, “You _have to_ promise me that you _won’t_ tell this to the others.” 

Wonwoo frowns, “But why?” 

“I… can’t let them know this. _I don’t want to be a burden to anyone_. It took all of me to actually let you know about this. But I’m doing so because my doctor told me that I need to _at least have someone_ who knows about my condition.” the younger sighs, “So… wh-when so-something happens… at least there’s someone they can call.”

“Con--dition?” 

“I have cancer Wonie. _Brain cancer._ ” 

It was silent for a while, Wonwoo trying his best to process what Jihoon just said. 

“Wh-what? _Since when!?_ ” he exclaims worriedly, Jihoon fiddles with his hands, “I found out the year I went missing.” 

“Is th-that the reason why?” the older frowns. 

“ _It’s one_.” the younger smiles sadly. Wonwoo knew what it meant so he softly said, “I’m willing to listen, Hoonie.” 

The younger deflated, even more, when he heard the nickname. _It’s been a while._

“I… the _main_ reason _why_ I went away was _him_.” a sigh, “I love him _so much_ but I can’t even show him _properly_ because I was _too_ _afraid_ of what the world may say. I’m _not_ even worried about myself… I was scared of _him_ getting hurt by unimportant people.” he chuckles sarcastically, “Funny how I’m saying this when I hurt him _more than_ all those people.” 

A pause. “So being the coward person that I am, I left without a word. At first, I planned on leaving for _only_ a few months, I’m just going to search for the bravery that I need. I was _supposed to_ go back but then… the symptoms suddenly appeared so I went to the doctor and that’s when I found out I have cancer. A _fucking_ cancer Won.” another sarcastic chuckle, “It looks like fate isn’t really on my side. It feels like it hates me and doesn’t want me to be happy. So I didn’t come back.” 

Jihoon let out a sad smile grace his face then a sigh, “I felt _so alone_ Won. I wanted _so bad_ to come back but I didn’t want to be a burden for the group. I didn’t even tell my family because I don’t want them to worry as well. I went through all the checkups and therapies alone. It consumed me until I had a breakdown and that’s when my doctor convinced me to call _at least_ one person.” he didn’t notice he was crying until he felt Wonwoo beside him, enveloping him in a hug that made him cry harder. 

“Shhh. It’s okay, Jihoon. _I’m here now_. You’re _not alone_ anymore. It’s gonna be okay.” the older utters as tears also falls from his eyes. When both of them recover, Wonwoo went back to his seat but held onto Jihoon’s left hand. 

“Do you… know how…” he wants to ask but he couldn’t finish his sentence as he heard his own voice starts to break. Fortunately, the younger understood clearly, “I honestly don’t know. _I didn’t want to know_ so I never asked.” 

“I thi-think that’s be-better… uhm, how are you, now? Where do you live? Do you need any help?” 

Jihoon visibly hesitates, making Wonwoo frown. “Ya! Why are you hesitating? _You’re not a burden_ , Lee Jihoon. And _you will never be_ because you’re my best friend.” 

The younger smiles, “Thank you, Wonie. I, uhm, okay first… I’m doing well right now. I just finished the first stage a month ago that’s why I look like this. I’m currently in the process of recovering and trying to gain more weight before I do the next stage. I live somewhere not too far from here, I’m sorry _I can’t tell you_.” Wonwoo was about to argue when he continued, “I just… don’t want you to look out for me. I know you already have _so much_ in your hands. Don’t worry! It’s a good and safe place.” the older arched an eyebrow that made Jihoon give him an assuring smile, “I promise.” 

“Okay fine.” Wonwoo nods as he gestures for the younger to continue. “So… about the help… can you do me _favors?_ ” 

The older frowns once again because he’s disappointed how his best friend felt like he needs to ask permission when he would _gladly_ do _anything_ for him. “Of course! No matter what and how many. _Name it,_ I’ll do it _for you_.” 

Jihoon smiles again, appreciating his best friend even more. “First is about this, please _don’t tell anyone_ that you met me and my condition. Just act like you don’t know anything. _Please?_ ” Wonwoo sighs before nodding. “ _Thank you._ Second, can you _please_ not save my number?” 

Wonwoo instantly protested, “But Ji! How can I contact you?” 

“That’s another thing… after tonight, _please_ don’t contact me. Erase your call history as well.” 

“Jihoon _I can’t_ do that. How will I know that you’re okay?” he desperately asks. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll write you letters or _emails._ I’m gonna update you when there’s something new about me.” Jihoon assures the other. 

“ _Ji_ …” 

“ _Please_ Wonie?” the younger pleads and once again, the older nods sadly. 

“Thank you. _Really_.” Jihoon squeezes his hand. “Lastly… _I know_ I don’t have to say this anymore but… _please_ take care of _him_ for me. Please _don’t_ let him get sick. Make sure he eats _every_ meal on time _every day_. Stop him when he overworks himself. _Please_ make sure that the kitchen is _always_ full of food. _That idiot_ often forgets to do the groceries. And… I know this is _fucking_ ironic but… _please_ make sure _no one_ hurts him. _Please_ make him happy and smiling every day. _Please_ always be beside him and _never_ do what I did. _Don’t leave him_.” tears are falling from Jihoon’s eyes again. 

The older squeezes his hand this time, “You don’t have to worry about that, Ji. We’ve been doing _exactly_ that and _more_ ever since you left. We’re actually taking turns to live with him right now and makes sure that he gets out of the apartment at least once a week. Seungcheol and Jeonghan hyung have been very protective of him. They’re the ones who often take care of him. He even lived with them for a few months--" Wonwoo stops himself before he can continue. 

Jihoon raises an eyebrow, “ _Why?_ Did he sell the apartment?” 

“No, _of course not_.” 

“Then _why?_ ” 

Wonwoo thought for a while, deciding if he should tell the younger what’s currently happening but knowing his condition, he decided not to. “Nothing much. The-they just, uh… _you know…_ being the parents that they are.” he utters without looking at Jihoon. 

The younger was confused and there’s something in his gut that tells him, something is wrong but he decides to dismiss it and not ask any further. If Wonwoo doesn’t want to tell him then he’ll respect it because the other did the same to him. 

“Okay. So, do you want to have dinner first?” he casually asks as he picks up the menu. 

“Sure. We can catch up while doing so. I would very much like to update you about the craziness that happened the past years.” Wonwoo smiles cheekily. 

And the night went out with them catching up with everything that happened while the younger was away. Everything _except_ the things about _him_ though Wonwoo updated him about the studio. Before bidding their goodbyes, the older hugs him tightly as he whispers, “ _Please come back_.” 

Jihoon didn’t answer but he tightens the hug while thinking, “ _I’ll try my best_.” 

///

“Thank you for _coming back_ , Jihoon.” he whispers. The other tightens the hug, “I’m _finally_ here and it’s _all thanks to you_ , Wonie.” 

They hug for a while until they heard a commotion coming from the stairs; they pulled away and watch as eight boys ascended while chatting with each other. Once they reach the three, they stop talking and look at them. A beat of silence and it made Jihoon a little nervous, Wonwoo notice it so he nudges him to say hi. 

“Hi?” he hesitantly greets them. A blink then he suddenly found himself enveloped in a group hug, _one he missed so damn much_. It went for a while before he starts to pull away, looking at them with _longing,_ which they return with _so much more_. Seokmin was the first who went up to him to give him a proper hug. 

“I missed you, my favorite hyung.” the younger sincerely utters. “I missed you too, Kyeomie.” then he got pulled away by a crying, Seungkwan. 

“I missed you so much, hyung. I was _so worried_ about you.” he cries out while holding the older as if he was dreaming. Jihoon soothes his back, “Sorry for worrying you, Kwanie.” the younger nods then pulls away, letting Hansol take his turn. 

Hansol gave him a tight hug, “How are you hyung? _We missed you here_. I miss your comments about my lyrics.” the younger playfully utters. 

“Oh yeah? You missed that more than me?” Jihoon teases. “Of course not hyung! I missed you more!” the younger retaliated. “I missed you too, Sollie.” the former sincerely replies as he pats Hansol’s head. 

Once again, Jihoon found himself being pulled away and into other arms. “I missed you Ji. The awesome 96line isn’t complete _without you_.” the other playfully slaps his back, “Ya! Of course! _I’m_ the most awesome among us anyway.” Junhui pulls back chuckling, “Okay, I’ll acknowledge that since _I’m_ the most handsome.” 

He receives a smack in the head, “Ya! Stop dreaming and get out of my way.” Minghao utters while shoving the older at the other side. Jihoon laughs, _nothing has changed at all_ , he thought as he hugs the former. “How are you, Hao? Have you been roasting them on behalf of me?” 

The other pulls away snickering, “ _Of course_ hyung! I can’t let your _legacy_ go to waste.” then they high-fived, making the boys around them shake their heads with a fond smile. 

Jisoo took a step towards him with open arms; Jihoon gladly went to it. “I missed you, hyung.” The older tightens the hug, “I missed you _more than you’ll ever know_.” 

Jihoon looks to his left as he pulls away and found his _(their)_ favorite dongsaeng. He smiles as he opens his arms; the other immediately went to him. After a while of hugging, he heard the other sniff, he pulls away to wipe the tears now gracing the younger’s face. “Hey… why are you crying, Chanie?” 

“I… missed you _so much_ hyung. I taught _I won’t_ see you again.” the other cries out. Jihoon coos him, “Hey, it’s okay, _I’m here now_. And I missed you too.” A soft smile appears on Chan’s face as he let go of the hug. 

Jihoon looks around as he notices everyone looking at something behind him with either a frown (Jisoo, Wonwoo, Mingyu & Chan) or confusion (Seokmin, Seungkwan & Minghao) on their faces. Junhui and Hansol look like they don’t know what to feel so he slowly turns around, and he just realized that only seven people hugged him when eight of them arrived. 

He looks into the other’s eyes and he regrets it instantly as he realized _something had changed_. There, in the other’s eyes, are different kinds of emotion, sadness, confusion, betrayal, pain, but most of all, _disappointment_. Jihoon hated the last one the most, even more, when it’s coming from _his favorite_ hyung. 

He was about to greet him when the other spoke first, “ _I knew_ I should’ve waited for _those two_ before coming here.” he said with irritation, “And _oh_ , let me clear one thing. I’m _only_ here because _he_ wanted me to and just so I can protect _him_ from further harm.” he finishes with venom in his voice. 

Wonwoo felt the need to stop him, “Hyung!” the other arched an eyebrow, “What? I’m just being _honest_ here.” the former was about to respond when Chan pleads, “ _Hannie hyung…_ I thought _we talked_ about this?” there was a slight waver of emotion that flashes through Jeonghan’s eyes but was instantly replaced by anger. 

“Have you all _forgotten_ what happened when _he_ left us? We’re a mess! We did more than _everything_ that we could to find him but what? We found _nothing!_ And don’t get me started on _what happened_ that second year without him!” he exclaims angrily. “Hyung!” Wonwoo exclaimed back. 

“ _What?_ You don’t want him to find out? Why? _He needs to know_ the black hole _we all_ went through!” Jeonghan blurts out with tears flowing from his eyes. It made Jihoon confuse, “Wh-what ha-happened?” the older looks at him straight in the eyes, “Does the name _Soonyoung_ ring a bell?” he sarcastically asks. 

\- - - \\\ - - -

✖✖✖ **PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE TRIGGERS AS STATED IN THE TAGS** ✖✖✖ 

\- - - \\\ - - -

“Well, if yes, then guess what? _We almost lose him more than once!_ If it’s not pills then blades then water then bridges! _Anything_ you can imagine, he _fucking_ tried that! We had to resort to living with him to make sure _he won’t_ attempt anymore…” Jeonghan’s tears are uncontrollable right now. 

“Yo-you… do-don’t kn-know ho-how much _it fucking hurts_ watching him do _every fucking thing_ to end his life. You don’t _fucking_ know how it hurts to _almost_ losing one of the most important people in your life. _You don’t fucking know_ because _you weren’t here_ and it _won’t_ even happen _if you_ didn’t leave.” 

The older’s knees gave up so he kneeled on the floor with his hands on his face. The others are crying as well, Junhui and Hansol went to Jeonghan to soothe his back. Jihoon couldn’t believe what he just heard and it pains him to be the reason why this is all happening. If he was _brave enough_ to not go away in the first place then _maybe_ , none of this would’ve happened. So he gathers all his strength to come close to Jeonghan. 

“I… I’m sorry hyung. I’m _really_ sorry.” he tries to hold the other’s hand but he was stopped. “ _Don’t_ even dare touch me. You don’t know _how much_ I want to make you feel the pain _he_ went through.” 

Wonwoo had enough of it so he wipes his tears and cries out, “Yes, _we know_ what Soonyoung went through but _you don’t know_ what Jihoon went through!” Mingyu looks at him, “What do you mean?” while Jihoon pleads, “ _Wonwoo… please don’t_.” 

“No Ji. They have _the right_ to know.” he heaves a sigh, “Jihoon went away because of his feelings for Soonyoung. He was about to come back but _guess what?_ He found out that he has _a fucking cancer_ and didn’t want to be _a burden_ so he decides to not come back at all.” Wonwoo was crying uncontrollably. 

The room went silent on the sudden news; a bouquet falling broke it, flowers scattering the floor. They all look at where it came from and they found two boys by the stairs; one has his eyes wide and tears falling while the other held him by the arms, afraid of the other falling on the floor. 

And when Jihoon looks at the former’s eyes, he felt like time suddenly stopped and everyone else faded away leaving the two of them. He stares at the familiar eyes that once made him see _all the stars_ in the universe, the eyes that once made him happy by just staring at it. But now, _there were no stars_ , only darkness can be seen from it. And now, all he can feel is disappointment at himself because _he knew_ , he was the cause for _those stars to not shine anymore._  

He was pulled out of his reverie by the voice he missed _so badly,_ the voice he kept on repeat on his phone, _just to hear it again_. “I-is i-it… tr-true? D-do y-you re-really… a-are y-you re-really… s-sick?” 

Jihoon lets his gaze fell on the floor. “Y-yes.” he whispers but everyone else heard it clearly. 

“W-was that… th-the reason w-why… you left us? W-why you le-left _m-me?_ ” the voice weakly asks. 

Jihoon looks at those familiar eyes once again. “No. But it was the reason _why I didn’t come back._ ”

The eyes look confusedly at him. “Then why? _Why did you leave?_ ” the voice was steadier, _determined_ to find an answer to _a lot of questions._  

Jihoon hesitates for a moment, but he knew that it was _now or never_ so he heaves a deep breath before answering; still making sure to stare at those eyes _he loves so much._

“It’s because I didn’t have the _strength_ to fight for what I feel. I left because _I know_ I don’t deserve _you_ _and your love._ I was weak back then… I wanted _so bad_ to fight _for you_ but I didn’t have the _courage_. That’s _why_ I left… I wanted to _find it_ so I can shout to the _whole world_ how much… _I love you, Soonyoung_.” 

Jihoon saw how the eyes change from seeking answers to disappointment as soon as he finished explaining. 

“You _didn’t have to_ shout how much you love me, and _you know that_. _You know_ just by saying it _to me_ can _easily_ make me the _happiest man on this planet_ , _you know that Jihoon_.” Soonyoung utters desperately. 

The younger sadly sighs as tears flow out, “ _I know that_. But _I_ wanted to show you off to everyone else. _I want_ everyone to know how much _I love you_ and that I’m _proud_ of it.” 

Soonyoung slowly walks towards him without breaking the eye contact. Once he was closer, he cups Jihoon’s face with both of his hands, his thumbs wiping away the tears from his cheeks. “Do you _love me_ , Lee Jihoon?” he softly asks. 

“Of course, _I do_.” he held onto his shirt, “I love you _so much_ , Kwon Soonyoung.” he replies with so much _sincerity and love._

The older smiles at him, the smile _he missed so much_ , and the smile the others _hadn’t seen ever since he left_. “I love you _so much more_.” Soonyoung said before claiming his lips. 

Jihoon missed _this_ , the way the older would kiss him with _so much_ passion, adoration, respect, fondness, admiration, _and love_. Every time Soonyoung kisses him, he feels _protected_ and knows that _he’s going to be safe_ , that _nothing_ can harm him. _As long as_ Soonyoung’s there, _everything will be okay_. _Just like always._  

Soonyoung slowly pulls away, bumping their foreheads softly. “ _I missed you_.” 

The younger encircles his arms around his neck before answering. “I missed you _so much more_.” then he pulls him into a hug, the older embracing him in his arms tightly. 

A few minutes passed before they felt being enveloped in a group hug _they all missed_. “I missed this _more than anything else_.” Seungcheol utters before pulling away, making the others do the same. 

Jeonghan then came to hug Jihoon; the younger flinches but instantly melts into the warm embrace. “ _I’m sorry_ for lashing out at you. It was _hard…_ ” he caresses the older’s back, “ _Its okay_ , hyung. If I were you, I’d _definitely_ do the same _if not more_.” 

A fake cough made them pull away, “Can I hug him as well?” Seungcheol asks with a grin. Jihoon opens his arms, “Of course, _hyung_.” 

“Oh, now, you call me hyung?” the eldest sarcastically asks making the younger roll his eyes. “Fine. You can also hug me, _Cheol_.” 

“Whatever.” the leader utters before embracing him. “We all _missed you here_ , Ji. It felt _incomplete_ without our _beloved_ producer, y’know.” he gently said before pulling away to look at the younger from head to toe. “You’re _so_ thin. Come on, let’s get this party started so _you_ can eat!” 

“Only him hyung!? _What about us!?_ We’re hungry too!” Seokmin dramatically exclaims, making the atmosphere light. 

“ _Aigoo!_ The favoritism of Mr. Choi Seungcheol is back!” Seungkwan adds playfully with a shake of his head. 

“ _OMG!_ Does that mean, _I’m not_ the favorite anymore?” Seokmin gasps, “ _I’m hurt hyung!_ ” he places his hands on his chest, acting hurt, even ‘collapsing’ on the floor. 

Seungcheol scoffs, “ _You were never_ my favorite, Seokmin-ssi.” 

His answer made everyone in the room, laugh wholeheartedly, something they haven’t done for a long while. When everyone recovers, the eldest ushers them to start eating, making the younger ones scramble to get their favorite food. Seungcheol looks at them with fond before doing the same. 

Jihoon was about to find a seat but Soonyoung hugging him from behind stops him. “I’m happy _you came back_ , Ji.” the older whispers in his ear. 

The younger intertwines their hands on his stomach. “I’m happy _I came back_.” he replies before turning around and kissing him on the jaw, instantly pulling away after. He turns around with a cheeky smile, “Won’t save you a seat and your favorite food.” he utters before pulling out his tongue at the older then he skips towards the rest. 

Soonyoung just watches him with fondness oozing from him. _He missed this_. He missed how Jihoon is _actually_ playful behind closed doors, how the younger _always_ seems to have fun teasing him. But then _a thought_ crosses his mind, making him _instantly_ smile with sadness. He dismisses it as soon as it came, he doesn’t want to ruin everyone’s mood. So with a small smile back on his face, he made his way to _the love of his life_ and _the family he chose for the rest of his life_. Soonyoung will deal with it _later_ ; for now, he wants to _bask_ himself in the _familiar warmth_ he didn’t feel for the past three years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not claim for anything about the cancer part to be true. It is all just my imagination.
> 
> Thank you for taking your time to read this ღ
> 
> Kudos and comments (+ criticisms) are very much appreciated ｡ ◕‿◕｡
> 
> ✘✘✘ Edited and re-edited all by myself. Please kindly excuse all errors and inaccuracies. ✘✘✘


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